It has been a difficult few days… We had been going around to the families of the crew we had lost against the Ta Atouans and giving our condolences. While most of the families were upset but understanding, Shakeel’s sister was most definitely not. She shouted at Sitara, cursing her for letting her brother die and took a swing at Sitara. Mesi, trying to defend our captain, was hit instead and we decided to leave. It was then that Sitara finally broke. She couldn’t take the deaths that were on her hands and broke down crying at the door. I have seen that kind of anguish before, I’ve lived it. But still, Sitara and the crew knew what the risks were when we took on that ship, but they all agreed to take them on. Loss is inevitable, and you must be ready to accept that reality.
A couple days later, we went out in search of Emrys, as no one had seen him since we arrived in Rhakosis. I found him at some dingy bar, wallowing in grief and alcohol. I managed to get him up and we took him to the Lantern, and got him a room.
The conversation that followed this has left me stunned. I don't know what has become of Akash, but I clearly do not know him as well as I thought. Normally lighthearted, Akash went off about the weakness Sitara showed as a leader, and how he thought he might not care about our lives. This revelation, combined with his general not understanding of what we were saying brought me to violence. I actually punched him in the face... While I regret the fact that I actually attacked him, I couldn't think of any other way to snap him out his self imposed nonsense. I knew he cared about the crew, but he was so caught up in himself that he somehow didn't see that... I don't know exactly what will come of this, but I hope I haven't ruined anything.